For a long time, I was so strongly identified with my mind and body, and who I thought I was. My mind would run like a program, hypnotized by it, and believing the stories. Clearly, these were thoughts I believed were true, and they were attached to feelings in the body – naturally, I was identified with them, assuming they were ME. When I had my awakening, which, for me was pretty much instantaneous, (and essentially a transition), I realized that “I” (the real me) was beyond all of those things, stories, programs, etc. Instead of identifying with the clouds in the sky, I realized my/our true being is the sky.
Of course, this was the beginning of a deconstructing process of my false sense of self that caused suffering, in the beginning of a brand, new journey of self discovery and quest for mastery.
WHY DOES THIS MATTER FOR YOU? Because I’ve discovered how music can lead the way to this illumination. When we are focused on playing in certain practices, we can create distance between our self and the mind, the thoughts and feelings that are conditioned in get in touch with our true nature, the sky we start to see that…oh wow, I don’t actually choose those thoughts…they just appear, and I follow them or allow them to run.
This is really the beginning of freedom, when we are not hindered by unconscious thinking, and more importantly, the feelings that come with them that are not reflecting situations accurately.
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And this is where we can start to discuss trauma and the nervous system, as the mind and body are connected. Everyone is experienced different levels of trauma, it’s part of life however, there can be bigger things that happened to people that can affect them differently. And it is different for each individual.
One of the big reasons people have trouble, meditating, or “calming themselves down,”(and many of the emotional or psychological issues people have) come from not feeling safe as a result of the trauma. Being still/silent would cause all kinds of uncomfortable emotions that have been suppressed to surface and it scares the ego, so in order to avoid feeling it all the tendency is to go into the mind and ruminate.
This can be an unconscious habit and a coping mechanism, until you become aware of it and seek to change it.