DISCOVERING AUM AND LOA
At the same time (highschool), a friend of mine introduced me to the Om sign, which carried a strong resonance in my psyche. I began to meditate and explore spiritual teachings, seeking a deeper understanding of who I am and what I’m doing here on this planet.
I was tired of feeling like a prisoner, being in school, having a lot of responsibilities that society said I had to do . The external world was not reflecting what my soul intended to see, and this caused extreme frustration and inner turmoil, and cognitive dissonance in me.
And one night I told the Universe that I’d had enough.
Well, “Ask and it is given,” is the saying. A portal opened up within me, and my perception of reality began to change. I was filled with enormous amounts of creative energy and ideas, and I began furiously writing music non-stop.
I also received major downloads and insights about why things happened the way they did, and I started seeing synchronicities and patterns everywhere. My state of consciousness was expanding, and at the same time the shadow side of my subconscious mind opened wide up, like Pandora’s Box. Stuck emotions and fears and beliefs were coming up to the surface to be healed at a very rapid rate, and it produced an effect of explosive energy and excitement that would soon be labeled as psychosis.
My parents had no idea what to do, so they took me to a mental hospital.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and was medicated. This completely shut down the process that began, and I stayed on medication for the next 12 years.
I continued to pursue jazz guitar, went to USC Thornton School of Music and graduated with a degree in Studio/Jazz Guitar, and played the role of a jazz musician and guitar teacher – and did not speak of my past experiences with anyone.
SPIRITUAL PORTAL
However, in 2017, a new spiritual portal began to open up for me again with the death of a dear friend – my high school physics teacher Paul Kanter, who I collaborated with musically and also surfed with. One night in my sleep, I had a profound experience – after a strange dream where a friend and I went to go visit him in hospice, I was instantly and simultaneously inundated with powerful white light, a beautiful melody, and a feeling of deep longing which blasted me awake and shook me to my core. At that moment I took my phone off of airplane mode and found out that Kanter passed away. Needless to say, this experience woke me up in more ways than one.
Although I didn’t immediately seek spiritual understanding of what had happened, I held this experience in my heart and started to feel connected to something greater than myself. Over the next several months, however, I experienced incredibly painful challenges in both a romantic relationship as well as in my musical life, which called me back to myself once again – and I started meditating every night. This practice served as an escape from the confusion and pain I was experiencing, but it gave me a lot of relief. I also started having vivid dreams as well.
At this time, a new friend offered me a Reiki session – and this experience opened me up in unexpected ways. I experienced a new level of bliss and healing within myself, and also began to sense and feel the presence of other spiritual beings around me. When meditating, I could literally feel a warm and loving and familiar presence around my head and face and body. I felt protected and guided. This path became a rabbit hole of a certain kind, and I followed it little by little, not knowing where it would lead me.
Eventually, a new channel of creativity opened up and as I practiced guitar one night, I started feeling creative and sexual excitement accompanied by heat and tingling along my spine – this was brand new.