KUNDALINI AWAKENING
That night after I had the sexual energy while playing, I had yet another profound experience – a tremendously powerful force came up through my body and attempted to explode out of my head. I freaked out and stopped it from emerging. At this point I needed to find answers – I called out to the few people I thought may have some understanding, and discovered that a special energy within me called “Kundalini” was waking up…I did some research into this, realizing there was a lot of information about it. It came to a point where I realized I had come too far to turn around, so one night I allowed this energy to come through my head – I surrendered with a wide open YES.
In an instant, my entire perception of reality changed and I entered a state of absolute ecstasy and bliss. I merged with my surroundings, like I became a part of a painting – there was no separation or differentiation between me and the “things” around me. For the next several weeks I lived in this state, and had deep insights and understandings and downloads come through me. I knew and understood things without anyone telling me or having to read anything.
I looked into the mirror and felt like I recognized myself for the first time, and felt so much self love.
It was at this stage of the journey that I finally discovered the bliss within myself that I was always searching for, and playing the guitar from a focused space became an expression of ecstacy. New gifts were starting to open up from within me.
However, after a few weeks I started experiencing major ups and downs – incredible amounts of fearful and anxious, ungrounded energy was flowing through me. Once again, like Pandora’s box. I needed to seek out help, there was no other way – but this time I knew I wouldn’t be taking the psychiatric route – I had discovered an entirely new dimension of knowledge and information through my research, and gravitated toward energy healing and spiritual work.
I finally realized what had really happened when I was 16 – and that this Kundalini Awakening was a spiritual cleansing process – not a disorder or psychosis to be judged, labeled and suppressed.
The process was truly terrifying, I will say. It caused tremendous fear and suffering, and I could barely function without my thoughts and emotional energy going haywire. Yet, I had major emotional releases and allowed everything to pass through. Like going through a dark tunnel towards the light.
After several months, I reached a certain point where I was able to really get back on my feet. I’m not saying it was perfect or comfortable at all, but through music practice, Yoga, an Ayurvedic diet, and lots of healing sessions and acupuncture I was able to work and begin to thrive.
It was still very up and down, but I began cultivating a way to use music and meditation to heal and enter more blissful states. Inspiration and new musical compositions came through me, as well as a deep sense of purpose to express and share my experiences as well as my music. I then started putting together groups to perform – and had the incredible opportunity to perform as a leader at my favorite jazz club in Los Angeles, the Blue Whale.
INSIGHTS INTO THE NATURE OF CREATION, AND WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOU
While I used to believe I was a limited “person” or a body in a material world, separate from everything, I discovered that I am ultimately the “Divine in drag,” as Ram Dass would say. I put all the pieces of my wild experience together and realized that I was creating my circumstances with my energy and beliefs about myself, and the world was reflecting these back to me – and that I could change my inner world first. That my struggles and issues and deep pain were all there as wake up calls – and how this is true for everyone.
I was relearning how reality works – how we manifest people and situations into our experience and create our own realities with our subconscious mind – including the thoughts we believe, how we feel, and the actions we take (or don’t take). That we are here essentially as co-creators of this incredible life story. That our bodies and systems are highly intelligent and always communicating with us. That nothing here is random, and there are patterns and synchronicities in this creation – and how we are all capable of doing the work to change our realities at the most fundamental energetic level.
That we can see reality as it truly is, or we can misperceive and see it through rose colored glasses. That all is One and it can only be a perception of the mind (and often trauma that leaves energetic residue in the body) that colors our experience and labels something as “bad” or “wrong.” In fact, things are as they ARE, and for valid reason.
But often, we can feel stuck, confused, uncertain, or unsure – but with a higher understanding of the Game of Life, we know there must be a way through or another perspective that is more in alignment with the truth. And it becomes about listening to our wise inner guidance system to lead the way – as well as to the “outer world” reflections we receive, whether perceived as good or bad. There is always a light within that can never be extinguished, regardless of appearances and feelings and states. This light is who we truly are.